Mom Knows Best
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Ok, go ahead, call this a blatant pandering for the Mother’s Day holiday. It’s quite frankly exactly that to a degree – but only because this Hallmark Mafia Holiday (as my buddy Gefter terms it) gives fathers and son’s pause to consider the role of women in their lives.
So indulge me and consider some very notable mothers in my life. This is by no means at all a comprehensive list, but one that comes to heart and mind.
The obvious one…Mom!
My mother Cuqui is odd, in the most wonderful of ways. She’s always had her own rhythm – making up songs she would sing to us at bedtime, dancing at the drop of a hat, making sily puns and generally embracing her inner child as she raised her own. I learned my love of animals, my offbeat humor and my ability to burp on command from her. It breaks my heart to think that as a kid and even now as an adult I don’t reach out to her as often as I should. I may not understand her decisions or her life and it pains me that she’s so physically far away – but I admire her deeply and I know that many of the things I like about me are things I learned from her. I love her profoundly.
My wife, Mabel.
Ask anyone in our family or circle of friends and nobody will have a single negative thing to say about Mabel. To say she’s considerate is an understatement. She’s selfless in ways that most people are selfish (myself included) and of all that appreciate her acts of kindness she’s the last to take credit. Her face lights up each and every time she sees Nicky, in ways that I cannot explain to her. Nicky’s happy personality, joyful giggle and warmness come from her. He and I are incredibly lucky to have such a wonderful woman encouraging, supporting and caring for us. She’s tough and sweet and will insist I’m exaggerating. I’m not.
Big sister, Trish.
My sister can be carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders and she’ll ask how YOU’RE doing. That’s the easy way to put it. For years she’s been the one to worry about others’ health, their stresses and their lives. When I was a kid I found her overbearing and bossy…she was, but it was because she cared more than I knew. She’s a natural mother and now in her new career as a teacher I know she adores those kids. Every time my father had treatments for his cancer, she was there. Every time should could get to Brazil when she was a flight attendant, she went to visit our Mom. That’s just her and it speaks volumes of the person she is. We chose her to be Nicky’s godmother and we are so thankful she accepted.
My grandmother, Fanny.
I was fortunate enough to reach adulthood before my Pita Fanny died. Fortunate because I had the chance to actually get to know her as a person and not only as a grandson. I always knew she was affectionate and loving, but it took time to see that a woman that had lost not only her husband and life in Boliva remained stoically independent and forceful. After years of receiving her cards and calls (and returning precious few of them) I made of point of visiting her on weekends to chat and joke. My Dad and Aunt have thanked me for doing so, but they don’t understand. I was not doing her any favor, she was doing ME one. She was opening up her life and personality to me and I was deeply thankful for that time. You see, she was my last living grandparent and the only one I really got to KNOW. She also taught me how to die. She lived the last years of her life suffering the ravages of diabetes and losing the independence she had always fought and worked for. When the time came, and it did more than once, modern medicine was there to delay it a bit longer. She taught me that sometimes what can be done is not what should be done and in that New Years week when I asked her nurses to simply give her the dignity to leave in peace with her family I hope that in some small way I repaid those years of kindness. I miss our chats and jokes deeply, but seeing her at peace and knowing we all said our goodbyes made me reconsider my thoughts on death and mourning. Her daughter, my Aunt, learned much from her mother too.
My thoughts jump to many others…my Aunt Nilda, who despite a roller coaster of life has never failed to keep a sense of humor (and whose marriage to Papa Willie I regard as the model for a successful relationship), my Aunt Ana Maria who has faced challenge after challenge with a “damn the torpedos, full speed ahead” fire in her, my Pita Mary who was the epitome of dignity and who called me ‘Rubio’ and make cookies that I’ve never found an equal to, my mother-in-law that called me ‘hijo’ as if it were the most natural thing in the world, welcoming me into her family.
All of these women have contributed more than they know to me and to many others in their lives. I wish them and all other mothers a wonderful, joyous Mother’s Day. Thanks.